Whatever Happened to Robot Jones? (pilot)/Transcript


 * (At the Jones' house, Robot is waking up)
 * Robot: All systems are go.
 * (title card)
 * (Robot walks out of the elevator and up to Dad Unit, a megaphone comes out from his mouth): Good morning, Dad Unit!
 * Dad Unit: Good morning! (x3)
 * )Robot walks up to Mom Unit): Good morning, Mom Unit!
 * Mom Unit: Good morning, little robot!
 * Robot: I am ready for my daily informational programming.... Need input.
 * Mom Unit: Today, you will get your programming for the public mid-level learning facility. (Robot gets confused) It is time for you to begin your task you were designed for: to collect, store, and interpret data on Junior High humans.
 * Robot: But Mom Unit, humans are so inefficient.
 * Mom Unit: You are correct. Humans are inefficient, but their inefficiency should not interfere with your data collection. Your excuse does not compute.
 * Robot: I will not comply with that request.
 * Mom Unit: But Robot....(alarm sounds) Warning: the school bus has arrived. Time to depart, son.
 * Robot: Negative. I am not going to go to Junior High School.
 * (Dad Unit drags Robot outside) Dad Unit: Go to school! (x5)
 * Mom Unit: Have fun with the humans.
 * Dad Unit: Goodbye. (door closed)
 * Robot: Greetings, school bus. I am ready to begin my human studies. Repeat: I am ready to be---
 * Bus Driver: Hey kid!
 * Robot: I am receiving you clearly. Please instruct.
 * Bus Driver: Hey kid, up here! Yeah, you wanna try getting in the bus instead of talking to it?
 * Robot: A slight miscalculation.
 * (transitions)
 * Mr. McMcMc: Now, does anyone here know the answer to problem number 16? (Robot beeps) Anyone besides the new student? (facepalms) Well, Mr. Robot Jones, do you know the answer to number 16?
 * Robot: The correct answer is 48.
 * Mr. McMcMc: Huh. Thank you, Robot. Now, the next problem is a tricky one, class, so we will---
 * Robot: 76.
 * Mr. McMcMc: Excuse me?
 * Robot: The answer is 76. Your mathematical problems are too easy for my superior computer brain. Don't you have anything more difficult?
 * Mitch: Dude.
 * Socks: Man, he really burned the teacher.
 * (the students laughed)
 * Mr. McMcMc: Robot, to the front of the class!
 * Kids: Ooooooooooooooh!
 * Mr. McMcMc: So, you wanna be a class clown, huh? Well, we have a place for clowns at this school! It's called the principal's office! NOW GO!
 * Robot: Oops. I think I overloaded the teacher.
 * Principal Madman: Well, well, well. Mr. Jones, the amazing robot in my office, yet again. Let me be honest with you, I don't get this whole technology thing. Gears, circuits, micro-chips, rubbish. So, listen up, future boy, cause you're on thin ice. Just one more slip-up, and you're staying after school, in detention. (Laughs)
 * (Transitions. The students are eating and having fun. Principal Madman confiscates some technology)
 * Principal Madman: Electric nonsense. Nope, none of that electronic garbage in my school. No Sir Ree Bob. (Principal Madman trips over Robot's charging cable, and causes a mess) Nooooooooooooooo!
 * Kids: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!
 * (Principal Madman gets angry)
 * (Robot is fully charged) Lenny Yogman: Hey, look everybody! That robot kid eats lunch with his butt! (kids laughed)
 * Principal Madman: ROBOT JONES! Well, you've messed with the wrong human this time, buddy. I'm giving you 3 months of detention. You'll be staying after school with me, will teach you a little respect! (Robot overloads) What-what-what-what-what's he doing?
 * (kids screaming and running) Kid #1: He's gonna blow!
 * Principal Madman: Oh, good heavens! What am I...uhh...forget about it, Robot, no detention! Head for the hills! Mad robot!


 * Robot: One day with humans, and I totally fried my circuits. I don't know you can handle it everyday. (pulls plug) I can't take it anymore! Humans are illogical, inefficient, and they talk really weird! Based with these conclusions, I never want to see another human again, as long as I function. (Shannon walks over to the soda machine behind him)
 * Shannon: Excuse me. (Robot scans) Mind if I get a soda?
 * Robot: Fascinating. Such high metal content for a human. Quite an efficient design.
 * Shannon: Hey, are you okay? (Robot glitches) Oh well. Take it easy.
 * (transitions)


 * Robot: Data Log Entry. I have just completed my first day of studying Junior High humans. I have found humans to be short-tempered, irritable, and just generally unstable. But the female of the species is quite a strange phenomenon. Final analysis: I compute. These humans need more study. A lot more study. More study. More study. More study. (prints out a picture of Shannon Westerburg)

THE END