P.U. to P.E./Transcript

This is a transcript of the season one episode, P.U. to P.E.

Script

 * (Mom Unit is fueling up Dad Unit)
 * Dad Unit: Thank you, honey. (x3)
 * Mom Unit: Would you like anything else, dear? No, I can see you are full.
 * (Mom Unit pressing the intercom, Robot is "cleaning" his teeth)
 * Mom Unit: Little robot, come down and have some breakfast.
 * Robot: No time, Mom Unit. I am going to be late for school.
 * (Mom Unit holding a plugger, Robot is going down the escalator)
 * Mom Unit: I've got a new brand of energy. It is made from windpower, 100% organic. How about a quick quart of oil? A lube a day keeps the rust away.
 * Robot: Mom, I am not rusting. Anyway, I'll grab something in Auto Shop.
 * Mom Unit: Well don't forget your daily programming. Your task is to fully study all aspects of Junior High Physical Education. I have obtained the one supply item listed. It is named jockstrap.
 * Robot: Hmm. Quite perplexing.
 * (A sign with the word P.E., made out of socks is seen along with stink marks)
 * (whistle blows) Mr. Workout: Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let's get those bodies moving! Work those muscles, strech those limbs, rattle them bones! Be all you can be in Polyneux P.E.!
 * Robot: Poor, pitiful, inefficent humans. How ridiculous they look. Robots are truly superior.
 * Mr. Workout: Well, what have we here? Well, Jones, you've joined up just in time. Look at those scrawny arms. Come on, let's get you started.
 * Mr. Workout: We'll just have you do some push-ups, like Royce here. (Robot doing push-ups, joints squeaking)
 * Mr. Workout: Unorthodox form, but what stamina! Let's try some other excerises.
 * (switches to Data Log Entry background, words typing) Robot: Data Log Entry. Middle school physical education involves rapidly changing position in a repetitive manner. As a robot, I am highly compatible with this objective. I have performed all tasks with optimum efficiency. I shall complete my daily programming with flying colors.
 * Mr. Workout: Fantastic! You know the rest of you could learn a lot from Jones here.
 * (whistle blows) Mr. Workout: Alright kids, hit the showers!
 * Robot: "Showers?" Direct me to the showers so that I may hit them. Must locate showers.
 * Kid: Follow me, man. I'm headed that way.
 * Robot: That human had no protective cloth layer. Humans disrobing? For what purpose? Excuse me, teacher. How does human nakedness interface with physical education?
 * Mr. Workout: A clean body is a healthy body, Jones. Now, hit the showers. (Robot scans, and finds out the shower has 98% water)
 * (Robot shakes, runs away) Kid: Hey, the robot's afraid to show his naked metal butt! (boys laughing)
 * Robot: I totally blew it in gym today. I did not know that water contains small droplets of water. Water makes robots rust.
 * Mom Unit: Hello, little robot. How did your programming on Physical Education go today?
 * Robot: Extremely difficult task. Too difficult to complete. (sips oil)
 * Mom Unit: You asset does not compute. You must try again tomorrow.
 * Robot: But-
 * Mom Unit: Tomorrow, Robot.
 * Robot: Tomorrow.
 * (transition sign)
 * Mr. Workout: Tarhousan, check. Zambini, check. Hmm. (looks at clipboard) Jones? Robot Jones? (Robot hides behind the closet) Jones. Look, I understand your reluctance to take a shower.
 * Robot: You do?
 * Mr. Workout: Sure. Lots of boys are shy about public showering. But you can't let your embarrassment get in the way of good hygiene.
 * Robot: But that's not--
 * Mr. Workout: Ah-ah-ah. The faster you get it over with, the better you'll feel. Now, take off your clothes, and get in the shower.
 * Robot: What clothes?
 * Mr. Workout: Now Jones, I'm beginning to lose my patience. Take. Off. Your. Clothes.
 * Robot: Error. My outer chassis is a protective layer composed of 70% steel, and 30% chrome. The red paint? Well, I look good in red.
 * Mr. Workout: You kids and your crazy fashions. Chrome, steel, whatever. It's gotta come off.
 * Robot: If you insist. Follow these simple instructions to remove my chassis. (gives instruction)
 * Mr. Workout: Unscrew linch pin A from socket B. Where the heck is socket B or linch pin A? Alright, you can wear your 'chassis'. Just get in the shower! (bell rings)
 * Robot: Sorry, no time. Must hurry to my next educational segment.
 * Mr. Workout: For your own good, I am going to get you wet, Jones. One way or another.
 * (Montage of Mr. Workout trying to make him shower) 
 * (School bell rings) Robot: See you tomorrow.
 * (Mr. Workout gets angry) Mr. Workout: That's it! That's the last time you get saved by the bell! Tomorrow, you take your shower at the START of gym class.
 * (Robot sleeps, monitor beeps) (digital sheeps baa-ing)
 * Mr. Workout: (echos) Tomorrow, you take your shower at the START of gym class.
 * (closet pushes in, children laugh, and hands drag Robot to the shower) (slow evil laughs are heard as Robot is tied down by some towels) (water tap wraps around him, hissing as other taps surround him, they start running and spraying him, the water overflows and then drains out, Robot dies)
 * Robot: Ahhhhhh!
 * Mom Unit: Robot, it's time for school.
 * (water drips, Robot gulps) (dook creaks ominously) (students look at him)
 * Mr. Workout: Welcome, Mr. Jones. It's time to come clean.
 * Robot: Noo...
 * Mr. Workout: Oh, yes.To the showers! (fire alarm sounds)
 * Robot: Slight tactical error.
 * (Montage of Robot trying not to get wet)
 * Mr. Workout: Gotcha!
 * Robot: Stoooop! Well, nice knowing you. (turns the water on and starts showering, expecting and accepting his death, but surprisingl, he isn’t affected) My metallic casing is unaffected. I'm not rusting. Data Log Entry. I have fully studied all aspects of P.E., including the repetitive activity, the human nakedness, and public showering. I have also learned that water does not always cause rusting. I conclude there is no harm in a robot taking a shower. (Robot electrocutes everyone)
 * Mr. Workout: ROBOT JONES!
 * Robot: Yes, Mr. Workout? Mr. Workout? Oh my. You could really use a shower.


 * (Mr. Workout sobs)

THE END